Charles leaves a lingering silence looming over them, sighing heavily with the sudden overwhelming feeling of being so beyond confused it actually hurts, and he knows that as much as he should make some sort of official decision he isn't in a right place to do that. But if he were to have a little time, to mull everything over, to weigh up the pros and cons on both sides, and to sift through his own thoughts and feelings that he's swallowed down for so long he can no longer tell what's what.
He, at least, owes her that much. To make a choice based on true feelings rather than in the spare of the moment, and especially for lack of anything else. And he really doesn't trust himself to make the right decision. If he says no, if he turns her down, he knows that he's going to lose her and the thought alone is unbearable. But if he rushes in and says that, perhaps, there is a chance, then he's offering her something that might turn out to be false, and being the cause of her pain, like he knows he is right now, is just as unbearable as losing her.
When she moves in, puts her arms around him and invades his personal bubble, Charles doesn't object, doesn't try to shake her off, and not because he feels it would hurt her, but because he has no desire to break the contact. But he also doesn't think he can lean in any closer than a little shuffle step forward, not here and not now, but maybe someday.
Raven's eyes are beautiful, he thinks, something that he's always found stunning enough for the need to pause and admire them, and it's hard not to hold their gaze, so he doesn't try to break it. A part of him suddenly wonders why he gets the way that he does whenever she reveals her true form - the main reason, he knows, is because if anyone were to see and he couldn't force them to forget in time, or the situation were to get out of hand, something very terrible could happen to her and he can't allow that. But he also wonders if it just made him feel better in general not to see her that way, if he was being more than protective and being selfish in keeping her hidden.
He knows that the little girl he found in the kitchen of the mansion that night was someone that he feel instantly in love with, fascination and wonder, and relief not to be the only one who is different. But what if it was more than that? What if, keeping her in this more acceptable form, wasn't merely for her own protection from the outside world, but from Charles himself?
Charles sighs again, softer this time, and finally does lean in. But he doesn't kiss her, he just rests his forehead against hers in an affectionate gesture, perhaps something a little more so than he might usually, and he closes his eyes to bask in it before he speaks.
"This is all very sudden, Raven," he points in a small voice, just audible above the patting of the rain falling to the ground and bouncing off of buildings. "Perhaps I ought to let you go, it would be the decent thing to do, and that alone is enough to prove to you how selfish that I can be. Because I..." He pulls back to look at her, a sad smile pulling feebly at the corners of his mouth, and the sorrow and regret in his eyes. "I can't do it. I know that I should, truly I do, but I can't. But I need time. To think, to make sure that what I decide to act upon is real. It's a lot to ask, all things considering, but can I have that?"
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He, at least, owes her that much. To make a choice based on true feelings rather than in the spare of the moment, and especially for lack of anything else. And he really doesn't trust himself to make the right decision. If he says no, if he turns her down, he knows that he's going to lose her and the thought alone is unbearable. But if he rushes in and says that, perhaps, there is a chance, then he's offering her something that might turn out to be false, and being the cause of her pain, like he knows he is right now, is just as unbearable as losing her.
When she moves in, puts her arms around him and invades his personal bubble, Charles doesn't object, doesn't try to shake her off, and not because he feels it would hurt her, but because he has no desire to break the contact. But he also doesn't think he can lean in any closer than a little shuffle step forward, not here and not now, but maybe someday.
Raven's eyes are beautiful, he thinks, something that he's always found stunning enough for the need to pause and admire them, and it's hard not to hold their gaze, so he doesn't try to break it. A part of him suddenly wonders why he gets the way that he does whenever she reveals her true form - the main reason, he knows, is because if anyone were to see and he couldn't force them to forget in time, or the situation were to get out of hand, something very terrible could happen to her and he can't allow that. But he also wonders if it just made him feel better in general not to see her that way, if he was being more than protective and being selfish in keeping her hidden.
He knows that the little girl he found in the kitchen of the mansion that night was someone that he feel instantly in love with, fascination and wonder, and relief not to be the only one who is different. But what if it was more than that? What if, keeping her in this more acceptable form, wasn't merely for her own protection from the outside world, but from Charles himself?
Charles sighs again, softer this time, and finally does lean in. But he doesn't kiss her, he just rests his forehead against hers in an affectionate gesture, perhaps something a little more so than he might usually, and he closes his eyes to bask in it before he speaks.
"This is all very sudden, Raven," he points in a small voice, just audible above the patting of the rain falling to the ground and bouncing off of buildings. "Perhaps I ought to let you go, it would be the decent thing to do, and that alone is enough to prove to you how selfish that I can be. Because I..." He pulls back to look at her, a sad smile pulling feebly at the corners of his mouth, and the sorrow and regret in his eyes. "I can't do it. I know that I should, truly I do, but I can't. But I need time. To think, to make sure that what I decide to act upon is real. It's a lot to ask, all things considering, but can I have that?"